


Here With Me

by vamptramp0348



Series: All The Stars [7]
Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Guilt, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Obsession, One Shot, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Rare Pairings, Self-Hatred, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 05:18:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15745068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamptramp0348/pseuds/vamptramp0348
Summary: Nigel's thoughts and feelings about the events that have left him without Adam.





	Here With Me

**Author's Note:**

> "I am what I am  
> I'll do what I want  
> But I can't hide  
> An I won't go  
> I won't sleep  
> An I can't breathe  
> Until you're resting here with me  
> An I won't leave   
> I can't hide  
> I cannot be  
> Until you're resting here with me"
> 
> \- Dido "Here With Me"

I told myself not to get involved but I couldn't resist Adam and now look at where we are. He's somewhere in Romania hiding because of me. I know he's hurt and I don't just mean what Dante did to his face - his feelings are destroyed. It's gonna take a fucking lot to get Adam to forgive me and I don't know if he even will, maybe he shouldn't and I just disappear but I would not fucking sleep ever again not knowing what Adam is doing or how he is and fuck me if he ever found another - NO Nigel you don't have the fucking right to get jealous! Especially after what Adam has been through because of you!

　

Been a piece of shit since the day I was born my own fucking parents knew that maybe that's why they left me behind. I've always been searching for that one love that will make everything inside me fucking right but all I do is burn through the hands that try to hold mine. Adam is different I can fucking feel it, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to him. I can't let him fucking go - not now, not ever! It's killing me being apart knowing he's been crying and believing the fucking words I said just to get him out of danger it makes me want to throw myself off a fucking bridge but I won't because I have to try to explain it to him because Harlan most likely didn't.

　

I'll admit it I let Dante get some good fucking hits and let him fire a couple bullets in me as a punishment for being so cruel to Adam, even if I lied through my fucking teeth I deserved every blow I got. There were seven other fucks Dante let loose in the city and I let them get a few good hits in too because every time I thought of Adam's last words to me before he left the apartment and the tears in his eyes I hated myself even more and they'd get the upper hand. I'm too fucked up right now and I don't mean just emotionally or mentally, I'm full of bruises and holes I need to somewhere to recover. Lucky for me I wound up killing a man near that bitch Beth's new apartment building. She found me in the alley covered in blood I pulled my gun on her before she could call the cops.

　

I listened to her bitch at me for weeks about putting Adam in danger but I refused to tell her where he was because all I did know was he is in Romania as far as the exact location or what name he is going by there I don't know. She at first helped me out of fear but after a while she was doing little extra things to try to get me out of my depression but I told her to knock the fucking shit off I didn't deserve any kindness.

　

Beth told me she understood why Adam wanted to be with me because I accepted him for who he was and never tried to force him to change. Before I left her apartment when I was well enough to travel she begged me to protect Adam and never let him get hurt again, I know what she fucking meant to let him go but I can't blame her. So now I'm sitting here on this fucking plane heading back to the one place I never hoped to go again holding onto some fucking faith that Adam will take my sorry ass back. I am stuck in between wanting to keep him but needing to leave him alone it's his decision that's the only small relief it's not up to me.

　

 


End file.
